but is everything that is happeining internally with my own internal dialogue existing. because as long as an idea is unable to externalize is it in actual existence? almost like the tree in the woods falling but no one hears it. Except you would be the woods and the tree would be those ideas that are always making moves to my mouth tto speak it to my fingers to write it to my eyes to see it to my ears to hear it and so on and son but i make an effort to stop it i start to say something in reaction to an action and i don't like what it is and it's not what i want to say and block it and break into song or noises that scatter the thought that was about to form
the reaction that wants to be externalized but has yet to pass through the thought process that usually cancels it out and blocks it and even now as i write it is not supposed to be here for this is the first step into existence for those ideas that are filtereed and now the desert road that was so neat and light gray and empty is now cluttered with cars and traffic and diesel truck accidents and people screaming out of their windows in hot hot sun. and spit is coming out their mouths s..
i feel better now.